I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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