I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
