Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i will never coherently bang her
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
