If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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