YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
