I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
