DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize