I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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