Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
