Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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