u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
