So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i dont even know how to be here
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize