You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
