can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
