a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
