Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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