we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
