Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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