i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
