I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
