she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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