I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
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Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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