no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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