so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
