it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
