i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
