don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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