maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i wish my penis had a tongue
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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