I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
