I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
