All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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