just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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