if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
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