was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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