I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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