Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
