is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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