You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
