Well douche your snatch and let's go!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
