i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it's like iHOP with fire
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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