Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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