I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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