i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
