The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
