I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When are your genitals available?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
