No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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