So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
