she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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