Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
