My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
