I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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