Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
