You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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