sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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