oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
