I think my fart just growled at me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
