you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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