there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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