so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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