A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
