sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
